Early Ejaculation
Q: I’m a married man and I’m facing a serious sexual problem. My dick get hard, but immediately after I insert, I ejaculate. I’ve researched and tried several methods, but it ain’t helping. I need help to save my marriage.
A: Premature ejaculation is a common affliction. Luckily, there are options to help you out. The first step is through practice, using a stop and start technique. Start by practicing deep breathing. The next step is to masturbate with no lubricant, stopping right before your point of no return, then taking a few deep breaths, then resume the stroking, and repeat multiple times. Next, masturbate with lubricant using the same technique as above. Then move on to having your partner masturbate you (first without lube, then with). Next, do the same stop and start technique with oral sex. When you have managed to prolong your ejaculation with these sexual activities, move on to intercourse. During intercourse, do the same starting and stopping. I hope that your partner will cooperate with you, as this will make it more likely to succeed. If all this fails, you can consult with your medical doctor who can prescribe a low-dose antidepressant. This is used for PE because of its side effect of delaying ejaculation. Unfortunately, you may experience other, unwanted side effects as well.
Difficulty Ejaculating During Sex
Q: So, my girlfriend and I have been dating over a year, and we started having sex around six months ago (And we had many conversations beforehand about safety, consent, turn-ons, turn-offs, etc.). I have not once ejaculated with her unless it was my own doing, and even then, took a few minutes to do. I’ve tried with condoms, without condoms, and many, many, many positions, but I cannot even feel build-up. And I know it’s not retrograde because I know when I have an orgasm. I believe it has something to do with the fact that there is often pain during intercourse when I’m not wearing a condom, but as I said, I can’t even ejaculate with a condom. I know I should seek medical advice if I believe there to be a huge issue, but I’m trying hard to find any other reason before I go spend money to get checked. My girlfriend and I have had many conversations about trying for a child, and I want to be a father, but even when we’ve had sex for an hour or more, I feel nothing, and I am worried.
A: First off, good for you for having such great communication about sex! If you are having pain during intercourse then it makes sense that the pain would distract you from your arousal and therefore make climaxing more difficult. You need to find out what the cause of the pain is (about 7% of men report this kind of pain). Generally speaking, experiencing pain during intercourse can be related to anxiety, depression, chafing, prostatitis, a sexually transmitted infection, a tight foreskin, an erection that lasts too long, or an usually curved penis. It is important to consult with a medical doctor to find the exact cause of your pain.
Premature Ejaculation Accompanied by ED
Q: Dr. Laurie, it’s embarrassing for me, but I cannot control myself when I enter into my girlfriend, and I’m afraid soon she’ll look elsewhere. What can I do to stop this from happening? I’ve tried masturbation, edging to where I stop and start up again. Being 42 years old, I also notice I’m suffering from ED as well, please help with some suggestions.
A: Your erectile dysfunction may be due to the anxiety you are feeling about ejaculating too quickly. You are on the right track with edging exercises. You have to move from masturbation to having your partner masturbate you, and help you with stop and starting also with oral sex. During intercourse, also practice stopping and starting. If you seem to not be recovering from this, I suggest you seek the help of a sex therapist, and bring your partner along.